As women, sometimes we have the tendency to let our emotions do the talking when it comes to making decisions in our lives. This is especially common when we began new relationships. As a result of this, many of us end up in relationships where we wish we had done things differently, or we wish known more in the beginning.
However, sometimes we’re just so happy to be with this guy that we’re afraid to dig too deep or start asking too many questions for fear that we might mess things up or scare him away before things even get started.
But we have to do that. By dating someone, you’re agreeing that you could possibly end up being committed to this person through marriage and maybe even have an offspring with them.
Because of this, we have to stir things up and ask some questions. And if you happen to scare him away by asking him questions, then he isn’t worth having a relationship with you!
Below are some questions you can ask yourself before you change that Facebook status to In A Relationship. These questions aren’t anything revolutionary and it’s also possible that there could be some teeny little grey areas, but more than likely, these are questions that you can work your way through before you decide to be in a committed relationship:
- Have you ever heard him talk about his parents? If so, is he respectful?
- Would he rather TALK to you than text?
- Is he respectful toward you around his friends?
- Would you be okay with him spending time with your dad (or the fatherly figure in your life) when you aren’t around?
- Would you be okay allowing him to see when your makeup/hair is not done?
- Does he have a father/mentor whom he seeks to model himself after?
- Does he give you more non-physical compliments than physical compliments?
- Does he have a job to support himself?
- Does he handle his money well?
- Do you have the same beliefs when it comes what matters to you most?
- Has he met your parents?
- Have you talked about short term goals?
- Do your short term goals align?
- Have you talked about long term goals?
- Do your long term goals align?
- Does he stop when you say “stop?”
- Does he respect your body?
- Have you had dialogue about what you believe and why?
- Do you know anything about his past relationships?
- Do he know anything about your past relationships?
- Is his number one, two, and three reasons for being attracted to you non-physical?
- Are your number one, two, and three reasons for being attracted to him non-physical?
- Do the people you trust the most approve of him?
- Do the people he trust the most approve of you?
- Is he involved in his local church, or charity, missions, or has a desire to help others?
- Has he ever offered to help with a project or something you were working on or stressed about?
- Does he try his best to stay clear of dangerous activities (texting/drinking and driving, speeding, other illegal activities)?
- Is he willing to admit when he is wrong?
- Is he a person of integrity (not willing to cheat, steal, or lie even if no one is looking)?
- Is he sensitive towards people with disabilities, people who are elderly, etc.?
- Do you have the same beliefs when it comes to children?
- Do you feel comfortable when he’s around the people you are closest to?
- Does he show an interest in the things you are interested in?
- Have you ever seen him help someone?
- Do you feel safe around him?
- Do you feel that he would protect you in a time of need?
- Do you feel that he will stand up for you?
- Do you feel good about standing up for him?
- Do you see him as someone you could spend the rest of your life (and maybe even have children) with?
- Does he love God more than he loves anyone else?
If your answer is yes to most of these questions, then it sounds like you may have a good thing going.
If your answer was no more than a couple of times, you should really talk to this guy and maybe just spend some more time as friends and get to know each other!
Looking for more on this topic? Check out these books!
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. – 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NIV)
1. If you’re a single woman who desires to be in a Christ-centered intentional relationship, take this time in your life to focus on the Lord more than ever before. Even if the guy you’ve been kind of talking to goes to your church. Even he’s a really great guy you go to school with and loves the Lord just like you. Even if it’s someone you’re just texting: continue to keep your focus on the Lord and let Him be the one who strengthens you in every area of your life–including dating.
2. The more you talk to someone and spend time with them, the more you become invested in them. It might not seem like much, but every time you stay up texting each other back and forth, spending your lunch break on the phone with him, going out of your way to make sure you look nice on social media and in real life for them, you are making an investment in showing them that you want to be apart of their life. Even if you’re “just friends,” if you’re not focused on guarding your heart in this process, it’s easier to get caught off guard. It’s easier to start saying “yes” to things in a relationship or in a “friendship” that you know aren’t good for you. So in the same way Apostle Paul encouraged the Corinthian church with the words in today’s verse, let them encourage you too. Be strong in the Lord and don’t just say yes to anything. Even when it comes to relationships.
3. If you’re frustrated because it seems like guys won’t step up to the plate these days, remember there’s a bigger picture. There are men around the world learning what it means to be strong in the Lord too. Don’t be fooled by what you see online or on TV. In the meantime, continue to spend time with the Lord more than you spend time talking to someone who isn’t being intentional about you! It’s okay to show the world you have standards, and it’s a wonderful, rewarding thing to wait on the Lord!
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. – Jer. 33:3
1. Don’t overlook your opportunity to call on the Lord
In Jeremiah 33, Jerusalem is falling to their enemy, and the prophet Jeremiah is actually shackled and imprisoned when God reveals His plan to restore Israel. This verse is a reminder that even when you feel like you’re missing so much in your life, God still wants you to call on HIM because He wants to speak directly to YOU. Sometimes we can get impatient with God and think He isn’t speaking because a certain thing hasn’t been revealed to us yet, but He IS speaking to you, guiding you in this very moment. He wants to you call on Him. So when you’re searching for something more, remember that to the Lord is where you need to go before anywhere else!
2. Worry less about what others are thinking of you, and focus on the what God says!
Have you ever been interested in a guy and wondered if he was thinking about you in the same way? Have you ever wondered why someone gave you that funny look when you did nothing at all? If you’ve ever experienced anything like that, you know what it feels like to momentarily be consumed by the thought of what could be. You’ve spent time analyzing that person’s actions, wondering how it’s going to affect your relationship with them. If that’s ever been you, let this verse be a reminder that even in those moments where we feel imprisoned by the things you can’t stop thinking about, we have the opportunity through Jesus Christ to shift our focus to the One who already knows how this is going to pan out. This week, I challenge you to look at those moments where you find yourself wondering if so-and-so still thinks about you, or if you’ll make a good impression in front of that one person, that you’ll instead go before the Lord in prayer, asking Him to reveal the kind of things you need to focusing on instead. Spend time in His word daily, knowing that He IS going to speak to you through it!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:2-4
1. Don’t let it break you. It doesn’t matter if you just went through a bad breakup or you’re unsuccessfully searching for a new job–whatever it is–don’t let it break you. And you know what’s amazing? When you consider it pure joy, it cannot break you. You’re only maturing in your faith and getting so much stronger than you were yesterday.
2. When faced with difficult things, I know it may seem like you’re being emptied out day by day, becoming more and more exhausted and less and less motivated to move on, but know that God is doing a mighty work in your life and in this process, through Him, you are lacking nothing. It doesn’t matter who abandoned you. It doesn’t matter what situation just fell through, even when you’ve been thrown the most challenging, heartbreaking battles of your life, consider it joy. Consider that no matter how bad it gets, God is going to bring you through this. You’re going to be able to tell a story you never thought you would tell. God is going to reveal so much to you that you never imagined you would see. Hold onto that! That’s what it means to consider it pure joy.
3.Dig into God’s word on a daily basis so that you can be reminded just how true this is for every single thing you’re going through, no matter how big or small. This is important because even though if we had it our way, we wouldn’t have to deal with trials, we are still going to face them, but even those will make us stronger, because when we learn put out trust in God by continuing to be joyful no matter what comes, we mature in our faith, getting stronger and stronger. This is how you can become that woman that walks around with an unshakeable faith, no matter what gets thrown at her. No matter, consider it pure joy.